WHY NOW

"The activist is not the man who says the river is dirty. The activist is the man who cleans up the river."... Ross Perot

So why now I was asked ? I would love to be able to say much thought  went in to the cost/benefit analysis in my decision to come out here, but such calculations are near impossible to quantify. What I do know is historically, Civil rights causes, including gay rights, don’t advance without personal sacrifices on the part of their pioneers. The two most famous gay athletes to ever come out, Billie Jean King and Martina Navratilova, both from my sport of tennis, exposed themselves to great career risks by coming out like they did back in 1981. But they also would have been exposing themselves to great personal struggles if they had chose to keep their orientation private.

Thirty years ago the climate around coming out was not a safe one. I feel conditions are different now, better now, safer now. We have a gay friendly President, the military has revoked DADT, two major gay marriage suits are working their ways through the Supreme Court as I write these words. Public opinion polls show a resounding favorable shift in attitudes around gay issues amongst this younger generation and hardly a week can go by without another state or foreign country providing Gay people with the same federal marriage rights and benefits that straight people have always enjoyed. So the times seem ripe for progress

I was also asked to whom I write; who am I trying to reach, who is my target audience in writing this book? I believe strongly that my story must be as inclusive as possible, that my target audience must be everyone.  Each faction of my audience I will attempt to speak to as directly as I can. but hopefully in a manner that keeps all factions engaged. More than anything, I would love for my book to be the catalyst for my various audiences to begin speaking to each other, to be able to break through the walls of silence and misunderstandings that exist between our two worlds.

I was up late the other night contemplating where all this might go when a vision came to me. I had an empty hall that I could invite whomever I wanted to my book launch party. It was a big room, plenty of space to include all the different facets of my life; family, friends, real estate and media colleagues, tennis peers, tennis bureaucrats, future young tennis professionals, gay and straight. I envisioned  a seating chart, where I could strategically place the interested parties anywhere I so chose, in the hopes that the parties whom I felt needed to speak to each other the most would be seated side by side. Then I saw the room filling larger and larger, soon to exceed capacity.  It would prove near impossible for me to arrange a seating chart for the people in attendance where all were granted equal placements of importance.  If it were up to me, every seat would be deemed front row center if I could.. Invariably I would allow you all to seat yourselves depending upon who wanted or needed to hear what was being spoken about the most.

So why now you ask? Because it's just time. Society is beginning to speak openly and candidly about important issues regarding the civil rights of gay people. Male sports culture is just beginning to open up and discuss it's views about tolerance for open Gays in the locker room. I feel it's imperative that this conversation continue and expand to all parties involved in Sports culture, from administrators to coaches to competitors to sponsors to former stars and future stars in the hopes we get everyone on the record with their views. Now that institutionalized discrimination is being eradicated  from  the wedding chapel in your neighborhood to embedded military bunkers half a world a way to the local boy scout groups our nation wide, it's crucial to keep this momentum going; to keep people talking about these issues that continue to adversely affect my gay brothers in locker rooms everywhere.

So not only do we need to keep talking about these issues, we need to change the way we talk about these issues. If I what I am doing here, by coming out publicly,  is deemed courageous, does that mean  those who choose to keep their orientation private are not courageous? Does that make them cowards? Absolutely not. By keeping my orientation private was I really keeping a secret? Was I really living a lie? Such punishing terminology. So many things need to change about how we discuss one's naturally given sexual orientation, not the least being the language we apply. Immoral, unnatural, deviant??!! These words seep in to the consciences of a public that passively absorbs information about issues not directly related to them, and then when called upon to opine on such matters, they sheepishly repeat the little information they have, doing more harm than good. Words have meanings and we in the LGBT community have bought in the punishing second class offender language slapped upon us by  mainstream straight culture. That must change too.

I maintained the privacy of my sexual orientation for completely rational and self interested motives. I grew up in a male tennis world with a grand total of ZERO role models to structure my life after. Repeat Zero. I would later encounter in my tennis professional life the two most influential gay athletes in all of Sports history, Billie Jean King and Martina Navratilova. At first, I thought the tennis world operated by a reverse double standard in how it treated gay and lesbian players, but in reality, it was just one standard for women with no opposing male standard to compare it too. Many of the women were out in the open about their orientation, and those that may not have been out in the open in regards to the media, made no attempts to hide which gender floated their boats.

As for my beloved men's tennis? Nothing. No former players, no current players, no coaches, no administrators. Nada. So to even try to convey that their was internal discord going on within me as to whether to be upfront with my peers about my sexuality during my playing time would be very dishonest. Trust me, there was all kinds of discord going on, but all of it was centered around what to say to whom to keep them off my track, where to go to have fun to make sure nobody saw me. As I began writing my book and going over all the events and occurrences of my years playing competitively, I stopped cold and literally laughed out loud at the amount of time and energy I spent trying to keep you from figuring me out, and athlete or not, that's just no way for any young man to ever have to live

I'm talking multiple incidents, every single day of my life, for many many years, from the time I was even aware of my sexuality as a teenager to when I walked away from the tennis word at the age of 33, and it hardly ended there.  It's staggering how much mental and emotional capital was spent trying to just keep my orientation a secret. For many years I would chastise my inability to be honest about who I was with you as a detriment to my success as a tennis player, but now that I'm done being an asshole to myself and punishing myself  for just trying to survive in what I deemed a hostile world, you know what? When I look back on it all from a more loving and compassionate place, thinking about the weight and the toll of trying to keep you away from me, I'm absolutely amazed I did as well as I did.

And do well I did. I want to share with you all what it was like for me as I rose the ranks of the tennis food chain in my younger formative years, and with that, what better place to start than in my early childhood and with the first ever balls I hit.

DEAR ME

 

Was on the ESPN website the other night and saw this new section of essays Titled 'Dear Me', where top stars write letters of advice to themselves as young athletes. Tennis player Andy Murray was featured as well as out of the closet MLS soccer player Robbie Rodgers. The few I read were quite unremarkable, obviously written by the athletes themselves. Wouldn't have been the worst time to put their publicists to work and pen some poignant and inspiring words. Either way, I love the concept and I hope they keep it alive. Then I got to thinking. What if I could write a letter today to myself as a coming of age athlete, what advice would I give a young me?

Dear 15 year old Bobby Blair....

How ya feeling there big guy? Little confused?  Little scared? Little concerned about feeling so different? Yeah. I wish I could tell you some 30 years later conditions were different for up and coming athletes like yourself.  I mean, conditions are a little better in the sports world.  We're actually on quite a roll these days in society, rolling back a whole bunch of backwardness by the day.  But as for what advice I would have for you?

You know how you don't quite feel all the feelings all the guys keep talking about regarding the girls? Yeah, you're gonna wanna start getting used to that because that ain't changing anytime soon. And you know how you like to hang out with your guy friends when they're carrying on about the girls, not because you want to learn what they are sharing, but because you just feel this different kind of connection to them than the girls? Yeah, you're going to want to start getting used to those feelings too, cause that's the way it's going to stay buddy. The Good Lord didn't do you any favors orienting you so, but let me be perfectly clear. You are not a victim and if you refuse to give up on yourself,  you can live a life of courage and dignity like few others, but I'm not going to sugarcoat this to you. You could have been dealt an easier hand.

As for your tennis, first thing I would say is don't quit Little League, this tennis shit is really tough. Re your tennis career, I suggest losing the playing super consistent, never miss a ball thing. Not taking risks, playing it safe, playing not to lose, will only take you so far. And by the time you realize the limitations of that style, it will be too late to do anything about it. You will have spent countless hours on the court in that particular mindset that even if you developed the skill set to play a high risk high reward game, I'm not sure you'll have the time to develop the trust in it to implement it. So playing it safe for fear of losing will eventually catch up to you on the tennis court.

As well as off the tennis court. If I could tell you that you will lose everything in tennis and business, not from being found out, but from your own fear of being found out, would that matter to you? And that all the things you thought you had acquired and achieved as a young man were merely an illusion. The closeness of the friendships, how close could they ever really be hiding your true self so? Your going to need to take some risks with your off court life, and I think you know where I am going with this.

WC Fields once said he would never be a part of a club that would have him as a member. Well I would never want you to call yourself a member of a profession that would refuse to embrace you as you truly are. Whatever gains you think you are protecting by keeping your orientation in the closet can not compare to the freedom and dignity you will feel in living an honest and authentic existence. I know, I know. you think I'm fucking crazy for suggesting you come out about your sexuality, but you're going to do it eventually and there never is a right time and to every gay man I have spoken to and met in my life, they all wish  they would have come out earlier and that there were more mentors out in society that they could look to for guidance and support. And if some reject you and your coming out for all the wrong reasons out of their  fearing you, that's infinitely better than you rejecting you and remaining hidden in the closet for the opposing but equally wrong reasons of you fearing them

For when times seem toughest,  you will just have to trust in God's love and the goodness in your fellow man, for we are truly all from the same stock and they are composed of the same loving and compassionate heart you are and that they will understand why you hid your true self so and that there will never be a good time to come out and there will always be a great deal of fear around the decision and that you don't need to cry yourself to sleep all those years rehearsing what you would say to all the loved ones in your life if you could just muster the courage to do so and that the shortest distance between two points is often unbearable and that I know all this but you must trust in the goodness of our fellow man and that he will love you unconditionally just as you do he and God do you.

Because being Gay is just a small part of who you are, and it doesn't make you different from straight people, it makes you different like straight people. And try not my young friend to fall in to the trap of the its Us against Them mentality, for not all of Them are against you, and yet not all of Us are for you, and many will not have your best interests in mind either and that just because you share a sexual orientation with someone does not mean you share the same values with that person and that an asshole is an asshole no matter which way they swing and to remain wary at all times.

And  people will want to define you and label you, and that shit is real my friend, and try as you might, you will smell the fear and hear the smears and feel the hard cold shoulder of rejection far more than any young person should ever have to. And it won't seem right, and it won't seem fair, but get over it, for there are no sure things in life and life ain't fair for a whole lot of people a lot less fortunate than you and if you want people to respect you, you have to respect yourself first and you're going do things in your young life for all the wrong reasons, just like every straight person you will ever meet, but doing those bad things does not make you a bad person any more than it does anybody else, for we are all perfectly flawed in our condition human.

Finally, start preparing for life after you've hit your last competitive ball,  for there will still be quite the haul to go, and start looking around early and often for ways you can make a difference, for winning fame and fortune on the tennis court is great and all, but nothing compares to improving the quality of another persons life, day after day after day. And there will be those who confront you and oppose you no matter what you do, and how sadly steeped in ignorance they are. And you'll have infinite choices to apply your  finite energy reserves. Whilst thou employ your best self? I say follow your heart my young friend, oppose hate with love and pray instead of  retaliate. Focus on opening hearts instead of minds, for that's where the love's at.  And try to make a difference as you grow up in to the person you will yearn to have in your soon to be tumultuous youth and become that loving mentor guide to the next generation of young Bobby Blairs who will need  role models to look to hopefully just like you.

Bobby Blair

A DIFFERENT KIND OF LOVE INTRODUCTION

“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don't know each other; they don't know each other because they have not communicated with each other.” Martin Luther King Jr.

INTRODUCTION

April 29th, 2013. Sports Illustrated breaks the big scoop. The first male athlete in a major American team sport is to announce he is gay. Rumors of such an announcement were swirling for a few weeks now in the sports world. Who would it be? Which sport would it be? Would it be well received? Would this be the beginning of more and more gay males across the entire athletic spectrum to come out?

The story breaks. It's professional basketball player Jason Collins. Never heard of the guy. Huge let down. I read his "story" in Sports Illustrated, a glorified diary entry with no back and forth. It reads like a drive by. Within 24 hours, the media circus is in full effect. All the usual suspects chime in with their words of support; even the President gets in on the act with a high profile public phone call. Oh the evolution of it all.

Something about the whole event didn't seem right to me. I dug in a little deeper in to who Jason Collins is. 34, career lows in statistics on one of the worst teams in the NBA, and a free agent to be on July 1st, 2013. He came out after his season was over, he does not have a contract for next season, meaning he really is not the first active athlete to come out in one of America's four major team sports.  All the talk of this being some kind of game changing moment just didn't seem justified to me and now I was starting to see why.

It didn't take long before some high profile public figure failed his tolerance test. Chris Broussard, some two bit, back bench, anchor at ESPN pretty much declared that Collins was going straight to hell according to Broussard's Christian orthodox views. Super. Now this was the story less than 48 hours after Collins declaration. I sensed the gravity and game changing moment slipping away as all the attention shifted to Broussard's backward ass views. Thousands of young gay male athletes hide in plain sight daily from the intolerance and homophobic cultures that are male team sports. How was this ever going to change when the media can't stay with the true story for more than a news cycle? I put my head down that night encouraged by Collins' courageous act but disappointed at what I sensed again was going to be little more than just another in a long list of individual acts.

I've followed the process of male athletes coming out for some time now. Every act of coming out is equally powerful to myself, showing great courage by the individual, but in so many ways, it is always the righting of a profound wrong, addition by subtraction, the truth emerging by the cessation of the big lie. But these acts of individual courage are sporadic, random, with no cohesive plan of action associated with them to make the environment that is professional sports a safe and inclusive environment for young gay male athletes. Why could the LGBT community not get organized behind these scattered acts and employ a program to aid and support all the closeted gay athletes suffering in silence in high school and college team sports the nation round?

We keep waiting for that marquee name to come out at the pinnacle of his sporting career. But what if he doesn't appear? What if he doesn't exist? Society just runs the numbers and assumes statistically he is there. Matter of fact, they're damn near certain about it. But I know a few things about trying to become an elite athlete. I played some serious tennis back in my day; was one of the top American junior tennis players of my era, have a marquee victory over a grand slam champion at a former Grand Slam venue.

 But I  also know intimately the complexities of trying to build a strong and unflappable sense of self while living a lie. And I am absolutely certain my growth and development as a young professional athlete was hampered by my not feeling safe to be my true self in my sport's culture. And I'm also absolutely certain that if the Jason Collins of my era came out as this one did, that would have felt so awesome to know I was not alone in loving who and how I loved but also know his coming out  would have been grossly inadequate as a source of strength and motivation for my coming out myself

Because tolerance is not a concept that gets paid lip service in the abstract by wildly successful professional athletes when the cameras are rolling. Tolerance is a mindset that gets challenged in every encounter, every conversation, every handshake, every look and glance far away from the tape recorders and bright lights of our mass media, day after day, week after week, year after year. And most in our day and age are increasingly hip and with it that gay people are no different than anyone, it's the fear of the repercussions from those who are not ok with the fact that we are exactly like you in every way except in the one detail...that being who we were born to love. Its those repercussions; the smears, the devaluing, the ostracizing, the hate, or even worse, that we fear in coming out. It can be such a lonely place, all those years knowing that if I can never get over my fears, how can I ever expect them to.

I knew the community needed to do more, and then I realized I am my community and that I needed to do more. I've been out to my family, friends, and in my professional life, but not in the tennis community that I spent so many productive years chasing excellence at the highest levels of our sport. I needed to tell my story to the tennis community, but not as some isolated act of coming out courage, but as the first important act in a program of concerted action to help make professional sports, and in particular my sport of tennis, a safe, inclusive and tolerant environment for the next generation of young up and coming gay athletes.

For the numbers are staggering. Thousands on top of thousands of young players at the junior, college and professional ranks, and not a single gay male tennis player out in the open about his sexuality. Tennis culture can say whatever it wants about being tolerant of those with different sexual orientations, but the gaping disparity between the openness of women associated with our sport as compared to men over the same time span speaks loudly that all is not right for young gay males trying to live lives of dignified authenticity in and around the sport of tennis. A lot needs to change and I have set my near future sights on being an integral part of that change by firstly telling my story and secondly being part of future courses of action to change tennis culture so young players no long have to live in shame and fear while pursuing their athletic dreams.

Coming out is not about  you getting to know everything about my private life. It's about not having to keep private one of the most important aspects of my life. It's about no longer having to hide an essential aspect of who I am while standing in plain view. It's about being able to honestly and with courage being able to tell my story to you here now, about being able to share my experience with you now in the hopes that it helps this next generation of aspiring gay athletes, it's about being able to declare with pride and confidence that my name is Bobby Blair, a former a professional tennis player, and a gay male.

And this is my story...

TRES FATIGUE

TRES FATIGUE

Pop Quiz...What is the compelling story line of this year's French Open?  1,2,3, Go!

Yeah, I got nothing for you too. And maybe that right there is the story

Of course, no major torney would be complete without our quarterly discussion about the demise of American tennis and why, with no tournament illustrating this better than the French Open. Which isn't really the most fair barometer  to assess the state of the American game. Our boys don't necessarily grow up playing on the stuff and upon turning professional, don't exactly run off to South America to collectively work on their slide. It would be akin to judging Spanish tennis by their results at Wimbledon and the American hard court circuits. Either way, the big story here week one is that a whole lot of Americans look like they will be  pulling second and third round paychecks this clay court major. Which doesn't exactly thrill me, nor the fact dug out there are an equal number of Americans and Spanish players in the top 127 in the world right now, and if you happen to know who all those players are by name, might I suggest logging off and catch yourself a few rays and a breeze the rest of this day?  If there is another American still standing besides Serena this time next week, that would be a a big story. And any American with the potential to go deep in to the second week of a major would be well on the tennis radar screen by now, yet all indications are those radar screens are sans blips now and likely for the next few years to come..So I'm not holding my breath and I suggest neither should you.

Will there be a no-name to come out of nowhere to make a run? Not a chance in the world. How good one has to be to win just a single 3 out of 5 match on red clay  against a top 30-40 opponent is remarkable. To have to beat a couple more guys in that 1-30 range to just make the quarters or semis is an effort eluding many ten year, consistently top 20 ranked veteran players who we are very familiar with. To imagine a qualifier, wild card or usual first round fodder to have a run like that today in the modern game just ain't gonna happen. Enough has been said and written about the amazing success of the top 4 of this modern generation, but the real roadblocks to the top is the amazing depth and stability of the 5-20 group, for any run at the top of the rankings or deep run in to the late rounds of a major has to go through these guys first before you really get to the big 4. You can check your draw sheets, many a fine tournament run ends early when an upstart comes head to head with these uber-professionals who dot the second tier of men's tennis

The one match we all were hoping for, a repeat of last year's final between the two best players in the world, Nadal and Djokovic, will not happen. If form holds true, they will play in the semis , which was almost a story in that Rolland Garros had the authority to play with the seedings some, but chose the smart path of letting the rankings decide who plays who and when, for to start down that path of draw engineering is one seriously slippery slope you don't want to get on.

Which leads to one of the major stories here at the French that nobody really wants to have to witness, let alone report on; the inevitable demise of Roger Federer. He's getting older, playing less, a little dinged up with an ever fragile back condition, and frankly, he has looked quite bad when his game gets off and completely outclassed by the younger stronger Nadal this season.  Even the most ardent Roger-ettes have to admit that the thought of him facing a firing on all cylinders Nadal or Djokovic in the finals does not evoke thoughts of possible celebration but more thoughts of hoping he doesn't get humiliated in the finals, a definite precursor that the end of his illustrious career may be closer than we ever envisioned.

The Joker going for the career Grand Slam storyline  has lost its appeal seeing how three others have accomplished this elusive career goal in the past four years and life continued on quite normally. Cementing one's legacy is nice and all, but it's the moments that begin the legacy we can all agree are a bit more compelling.

There is always the inherent sex appeal of young beautiful athletes doing their thing. The ladies will never tire of an up close shot of a Rafa bicep, the men still pray for a Kournikova comeback, but will settle for an Ivanovic return to form. But when these tried and true titillations move on, who will be there to take their place, for that horizon seems just as bleak as the next great American one?

And there seems to be a whole bevy of new media being rolled out this Grand Slam fortnight. The Tennis Channel App is the real deal, as well as a slew of new print and online sites dedicated to professional tennis. And it's hard not to recall the investment adage that by the time you see the bandwagon, it's too late, for the very best of times do look to be behind us now.  Like the great Hunter Thompson once said it could very well have been " the kind of peak that never comes again"..for professional tennis was a" very special time and place to be a part of".when even now, less than 5 years out, you can "with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high water mark..that place where the wave finally crested, broke, and rolled back"


And as day 4 concludes, I search the net for content. The best I can find is an Ernests Gulbis interview where he derides the top tennis players for being mortally boring interviews...and that has become the most exciting story of these tired tennis times.

TENNIS' FIELD OF DREAMS...

TENNIS' FIELD OF DREAMS...

It's another rendition of Tennis' Field Of Dreams this fortnight. All our sport's best and brightest stars. So many beautiful and inspiring stories all conjoin together at the same point, like the spokes of a world sized wheel, this week, they all meet  in Paris.

Someone, likely many ones, will have life changing moments this week.. Break out victories or legacy cementing runs. Nonames will become household names come some time next week. It's easy to take for granted just how outstanding that is; to be associated with a profession that affects lives so dramatically each and every week.

 

 

Though one chooses to play the French Open, one does not just sign up for it. One signed on and signed up for the journey a long long time ago, to this different way of life. To be a professional athlete. It was a singular decision followed by a myriad of choices. How to play, how to train, where to train and under who are only a few...One sacrifices a safe normal upbringing for a chance to be great at something; a something that rewards its greatest with unimaginable  fame fortune and riches. To those on the right side of the velvet rope, those names and faces we all know, the choice appears to have been the right one. To all those who's spokes never quite reached places like Paris this week, you would have to ask them for yourself

But it's not only the players we know who are here to make their mark. There's the never ending coaching carousel; Who's methods will reign supreme these weeks? Which country's players will have the deepest runs in Paris? And why? National Training Developmental Centers  are doing battle these weeks; whose system will assert itself as the one to be emulated? Which racket technology and equipment will prove superior? Is there a hot new frame and what string was that hot new player using? Did the person designing the stencil or logo on your hot new product do quality work, for you will likely never get exposure like this again.

Whose shoes and attire will catch the most eyes? Will those putting up the big sponsor money see the big return on their big investments? If so, the tour is healthy financially, if not, who will take their place, if anyone? Three networks are vying for our attention here in the States, whose broadcast will carry the day? Who in the booth will make their mark on the viewing audience? McEnroe can't commentate for ever. Who is  making the loudest strides to be his heir apparent and take his prized place behind the mic? So many sub-competitions taking place below the main action.. And who amongst all us wordsmiths will be writing the most gripping copy?

This is competition at its purest level, even away from the brights lights and rolling cameras. There only so many lines to be called in the finals, who will get the prized chairs? Only so many VIP seats to be ushered to, only one seat on Center Cort to umpire from, and only one ball kid gets to be the one who hands the champion the winning ball. We all want it be that one, who will be the fortunate ones these weeks? This is not a process of luck like the lottery...This is where hard work meets opportunity, and there is no better time in our sport to peak than these weeks of a Grand Slam.

I stare at my screen and wonder. When will  be my moment? Have I done enough? Will this be my time when I finally type that elusive combination of letters and words that stops you the reader cold. Will this be my week? Have I done the work to deserve to be widely read? Only time will tell...

A TWITTER TRAGEDY

ANOTHER TWITTER TRAGEDY

I was scrolling through The Twitter the other night, and came across this exchange. Young American tennis player Coco Vandeweghe lost a match to even younger Kazakhstanian tennis player Yulia Putintseva in an early round match in Brussels..Three sets, last two not close at all, both players ranked about the same in their go everywhere, go nowhere careers

But Yulia and CoCo were not done with each other when the final ball was hit .Apparently there was some tension during the match leading to the players not shaking hands in the post tennis match tradition Back in the day, disputes like this would spill over in to the locker room and be settled like the immature coddled young adults we once were. Today, the kids take it to The Twitter. Unsure as to who drew first tweet, the two had a somewhat uncomfortable public exchange on The social network grid. Not sure what they call it over there in the former Russian territory, but over here, we call it trash talking

The demise of American tennis is not an illusion. So many things are lacking, this is not an essay to address said topics right here. But with Sloane Stephens recent  public meltdown a couple weeks ago over Serena no longer following her on the Twitter and CoCo having a moment here trying to deal with this apparent public slap around she just got, its becoming apparent the American kids need to grow some thicker skin and get a whole lot tougher

Vandeweghe's response here is somewhat disturbing. Her 'how dare she she call me out for sucking. you're a bad sport, and I'm a victim rap' is seriously weak sauce. Venting, crying and whining is just so not attractive or effective as a means of evening the score. Just makes me want to call you a WAAAAAAAmbulance!!!

Or better yet, it makes me want to call your uncle, former famous NBA hoopster and star KiKi Vandeweghe. One would think having grown up and around the NBA environment, CoCo would be well versed in the world of talking smack; that she would have been a little better prepared for such indignities. Apparently not. But KiKi knows people, and a phone call or two later, and none other than Sir Charles Barkley was in the house, answering KiKi's request to help school his niece in the fine art of sticking up and defending oneself via the spoken word.

We were not present at this meeting, but our sources in the field were within ear shot and were able to over hear some of what might have been  said. To the best of their recollection this might have been how it went down..

"Sir Charles!!!"

"Coco Chanel...Look at you. You're all grown up!"

"Well, physically at least. My uncle still thinks I'm a bratty little kid with no sense of perspective as to how the real world works"

"Hmmm..seems to be a pattern with you young tennis phenoms. Kiki called though, said some girl was giving you a hard time after one of your losses and you might need some help?"

"Yeah Sir Charles. She was saying all these mean things to me in our match. Like I've never heard anything like it in all my life"

"Christ, you need to get out more. What did she say to you?"

"She said like I sucked and was not a great player. That I was all serve and no rally."

"Wow. Devastating. Could be fatal. What did you do when she said this to you?"

"I got really upset Sir Charles. Totally through me off my game, I couldn't even try anymore, so I tanked and walked off the court and didn't shake her hand or nothing"

"Nice CoCo. Nice. So the message your sending is that all someone has to do is look at you funny and that's all she wrote; you're done, packing your bags and you're out of there?"

"Well yeah, that's just so not sportsmanshiplike. I don't want to be on the court with someone who acts like that. It's the worst ever!!!"

"Good God. Ok Coco, slow down. Now tell me one more time what you did when she dissed you like that. What did you say back to her?"

"Umm, well nothing Sir Charles. I just tanked, didn't shake her hand and went to The Twitter and tweeted what a bad sport she was. That's how kids my age do everything. We don't confront people face to face about anything. We just tweet it out with each other".

"How's that working out for you CoCo?"

"Not very well Sir Charles. Cause everyone is on The Twitter and they retweet right back on top of your tweet and then it goes all viral and stuff and if someone like really popular gets involved, then we might start trending and before you know it we're picking up all kinds of new followers and it's really cool and really fun to be super popular on The Twitter"

'What in the fuck are you talking about CoCo!!??" This girl talks down to your face and you run away, don't confront her, don't stick up for yourself, don't say a single word to her, and then go type something to whoever and that somehow is supposed to resolve anything???!!! Seriously girl, sit down. Sir Charles here is going to offer up another solution that I think might be more effective ok? We need to learn how to communicate better."

"But I have 6500 followers and over 2000 tweets Sir Charles"

"Twitter is not communicating!!!"

"Calm down Sir Charles..hashtag meltdown"

"I'll show you a meltdown if you keep talking like this"

"Can't be any better than all the ones they have of you on YouTube"

Ok Listen..First things first. Your side of the street needs to be clean ok? We don't start shit here, but we do finish it, ok? CoCo, here's a couple things I want to help you get out of this..First off, we are going to send a message...actually, a very loud and clear message to Ms Putintseva that she is never going to do something like this to you again....To take it step further, nobody is ever going to do this to you again..ever..And if we do this right, I doubt quite seriously Ms Putintseva will ever do this again to anyone else either

"Ok"

Listen, there's a whole bunch of well meaning Pacifists and Christians out there who are going to tell you to ignore her, or to turn the other cheek, or don't stoop to her level, that sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you kinda stuff.  You have two choices with them. You can tell them you really appreciate the advice and that they are more than welcome to use those tactics in their own battles, or you can just tell them to all go bug off, this is your fight and you're going to handle it the best way you see fit. I'm kinda partial to the latter myself...You see CoCo, here's the deal. You don't have a mean bone in your body and you have no desire to hurt anybody, but at the same time, you'll be God damned if you're going to let anybody speak poorly of you publicly or try to do harm to you or your career in any way, ok?

"Right on Sir Charles..Like how this is trending.. Hanging with #Chuckster #heisarolemodelafterall"

"Stop that...Don't do that. I got enough problems. I'm fifty, I'm fat and I got this ugly bald head, I don't need you hashtagging me on everything ok?"

"Listen, you could spend a lot of time and money having people explain to you why what she said to you  felt bad. Some would call it bullying, some would call it abusive, some might chalk it up to poor sportsmanship. In my opinion, the little snatch got over on you good and she needs to be taught a lesson right here and now so next time she thinks about doing something like this to you, she thinks twice, ok?"

"But everyone is going to think I'm a B-yatch if I get in her face and stuff"

"And that's worse than being thought of as a doormat that anyone can step on and someone who has so little self-respect that anybody can say any damn thing they want about you and they can all just sit around laughing their asses off at you having a tizzy fit about the whole thing over on the twitter because you're incapable of speaking up to defend yourself..Is that better girl???!!

"No"

"No..no its not. So we're going to come out swinging here ok? She got over on you good here and we need to get her back. This is your turf CoCo, this is where you are going to make your living. You are going to be seeing this little twat 25 weeks a year for the next ten years. You have to live with yourself and again, you don't want to hurt anybody but God damn, ain't nobody gonna hurt you..anytime, anywhere, anyhow...and you may just want to apologize in advance to those who are going to witness you sticking up for yourself here, because you're not used to having your boundaries so badly violated  by someone so unprovoked, and you're real sorry if you sticking up for yourself comes off a little aggressive and threatening and stuff, but the fact is you didn't start this and anything short of a full public apology from her means this little spat isn't over, and you've never gone through something like this before and you're not going to go through this again and there are absolutely no style points when it comes to writing a wrong and what we really want here is for you to take your power back from this little bitch to the point that next time you walk in a room that she is in, she gets extremely uncomfortable that you just walked in and when you do see her you put one finger up, not your middle finger, but your index finger, which means she has exactly one minute to pick up her shit and get the fuck out of your site or its about to get a lot more uncomfortable in that room, we straight?

"But I don't want to be like a Mean Girl or a Bad Girl. I want people to like me"

"No Coco. I don't care about other people liking you. I care about you liking you. I care about you having one thing and one thing only and that thing is self-respect. Other people are gonna come and go and do their things to you but only if you let them. You let this girl get over on you. That's not Ok with me. I don't let me friends get mistreated Coco. This girl said some harsh stuff to you. You need to put her in her place to make sure this don't happen again. It's called taking your power back. Somehow this young woman thinks she can do and say anything she wants to you and there are no consequences for doing so"

"What am I supposed to do Sir Charles? Throw her out a window like you used to do?"

"No. My methods were a little over the top. But one thing we are not doing is going on the Twitter and talking about what we're going to do. I want you to call her at the next tournament and arrange a meeting with you two. She can bring her coach and parents if she wants, even a WTA official, whatever she's comfortable with. But make it very clear you need to straighten a few things out with her now before this escalates in to something that gets very uncomfortable for her, for you make it clear you ain't going away until you get a moment with her to clean this up so sooner is better. If that doesn't work, next time you see her you need to walk right up to her face and demand an apology from her. Not on Twitter. But Face to face. Young Woman to Young woman. Take the high road. Explain to her you don't have a problem with her but you're going to have one with her if she doesn't clean her act up with you  and apologize"

"What if she doesn't apologize Sir Charles?"

"Well well well...This is where it doesn't hurt to have a guy like me in your life. If you take the high road and ask for an apology and she declines, you let Sir Charles know. I've been known to be able to turn some pretty colorful phrases in my time. As a matter of fact, I take great pleasure in the process and I'm getting a little soft sitting in the studio booth all these years.
The girl's from Kazhakstan??? Is that not Borat country??? Oh boy, all I have to say is she better apologize, for if this comes down to a war of words, there won't be much of her left by the time I get through with her. But high road first ok? No twitter, confront her face to face, and re-assert your self-respect and personal dignity, and my best guess is it will all work out for the best that way without any further escalations ok?"

"Thanks Sir Charles. You're the best!!!"

What Really Might Have Gone Down Between Jimmy and Chrissie 40 Years Ago

Some months back, my crack team of investigative journalists caught wind that Jimmy Connors had written an autobiography and was pushing it on the agents at harper/Collins. Armed with a secret camera and microphone, my people descended upon their corporate offices yet were not able to see or hear shit, but we did see Mr Connors walk in to the office of his agent and we surmised the conversation went a little something like this.

Jimmy baby!!! I heard you wrote a book and you want us to promote it for you. You realize you're an incredibly uninteresting human being,right? All you tennis fucks are. There just can't be a less interesting group of professional athletes out there. Tell me what makes you interesting JC? Tell me about you and your book and why we here at Harper/Collins should promote your book.

Well, I grew up in the Midwest and used to go to the park a lot with my mom and hit on the wall and...

Are you fucking kidding me??!! This is what you're starting off with? I would pay good money to not have to read this book

"Hold on, hold on, it gets better...I went on to win all these tourneys with my T-2000 and...

"Wake me the fuck up when your done, would you? Are we trying to put Ambien out of business here?

I don't know what you want!

Tell me something I don't know baby. You've been  center stage for 40 years...We know everything about you. What do I not know about you that you can put in this book and make me want to buy it?

Jesus...I married a playmate and had this affair that almost ruined my...

You're the man buddy. That is so incredibly not interesting. I don't even know where to start. We know all this Jimmy!! You dog. We would all love to know a lot more about that part of your life with the playmate but she's your wife. tell me something risque, salacious, downright wrong even, a felony even, just make sure the statutes are up ok?

Well, I did knock up little Chrissie Evert way back in the day when we were an item

You did what??!!  Really??? Awesome......where's the tape...do you have the tape?

"The tape?

" The sex tape jimmy. Its 2013 baby, get with it, would you?..Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Tommy and Pamela lee.., its how you get attention when you have no talent  kid. You have to have a sex tape, some grainy bad 70s home movie with sick mounds of 70s pubic hair..don't sweat that stuff Jimmy, we can photoshop that stuff out, maybe give Chrissie a landing strip.."

Shit, I don't even know if they  had video cameras back then...either way it would have been a pretty short movie

Don't go there buddy..Seriously, I was just fantasy building and it was getting pretty good. You and the ice maiden. You guys out on the court hitting hours of soul crushing cross courts and you guys give each other that look like "hey, let's go crush something else" and it's linesman ready, players ready, PLAY!!!

"Seriously, the whole thing was a mess and she won't let it go"

Ok,you're 60 years old, its 40 years later and you're telling me about it and SHE won't let it go. Gotcha.

Seriously, she won't.  we were young and inexperienced and my mom just hated her for seducing and luring me from her...You should have heard their fights.

You're not really going there, are you. I mean, this is starting to sound like Jerry Springer shit. Ok, I'm taking the bait Jimmy...What would they fight about?

Well, me of course..I don't know. My mom would walk by Chris lying out at the pool with me and say stuff like "Lying on your back again Chrissie? You seem to do your best work from there"

"So your Mom was basically calling Chrissie a whore. Ok, that's kind of interesting. How did she get pregnant though?

"My Mom was always around so we always had to hurry and stuff, anyway, so Chrissie is worrying about getting prego and everything. I didn't really care though. I was at the top of my game back then. Number one in the world, women throwing themselves at me. I figured the more I spread my seed and the more offspring I cold create, the better place the world would be, right?

"Jesus"

"So Chris and I are having to sneak around Mom all the time and we start taking some chances so she wants me to start wearing a sock and stuff but it was really hard for me to keep my stick juiced with one on and she would just go all Sahara desert on me watching my spirit sag"

"Have you been reading Penthouse Forum again?"

"Well, yeah, of course. Patty has a life time subscription from doing her spreads for them, some quality writing in there, don't ya think?"

Wow..Never mind. Keep going. I can't believe you're telling me all this.


Well I'm pissed, check this shit out...so I say Chrssie, let me slip it in without a sock and get the show going and then put a sock on it and finish the job that way...she says Ok...so I'm working her, and me, and her, and me, and I finally get it all in there, and I ain't no 4 and a half light here for the record

"Super Jimmy...This is so TMI Hall of fame shit"

So with all the working it and working her, I was getting a little too fired up and once I got in, it was like a couple little pump and thrusts and Boom! I pumped her  full of JIMBO!!!!  And that was it.

His agent put his head down in his hands, shaking it to and fro. "No, No, That's not how it went...That's not the story Jimmy"

"Yeah it is. That's what happened"

"No...it's not. Jesus, you tennis fucks are so unlikeable when people get to know you"

"What do you mean?"

"If I have to explain it to you, it's too late. Let's just say they love you just the way you aren't"

"Yeah, whatever. Joel Drucker loves me and tells everybody I'm the man"

"What the fuck is his story?"

"He creeps me out. One day he thinks I'm saving his life, now he's been trying to write my biography for 30 years now"

"How did you get rid of him?"

"Restraining Order. And my lawyers had a chat with him too"

Good. Ok, Listen, I like the knocking Chrissie up thing, but can we make it more of a heroic story?"

"Heroic?"

"Yeah, I mean erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation is great for Viagra commercials. We have to style out this story a bit, your version ain't gonna cut it. How about something like this. Mid 1970s, Virginia Slims at Madison Square Garden, the whole women's lib ERA thing is cranking full throttle, Chrissie wins the event, there is this smoking after tourney party that spills over to Studio 54 and everyone is just getting their party on and you all end up in one of those back murky rooms, you, Jagger, movie stars, Chrissie, the starting front row of the New York Knicks, and before you know it, everyone is naked and having their equal rights with everybody and it's a night to remember, except nobody can remember shit the next day, and a couple weeks pass and Chrissie is not feeling the best and she goes to the doctor and gets the news yet their is some confusion about who's child it may be, so you go down and take the paternity test and lets just say you're in some serious sperm competition here with rock stars and movie stars and other thoroughbred professional athletes there that night at the Studio 54, but you being the champion you are, it was YOUR power-seed that broke out of the pack and reached pay dirt, further immortalizing your heroic...

"What the fuck is wrong with you??!!"

"I'm trying to help you, you asshole!!! This story will sell books but it makes you come across like the biggest prick ever!"

Me??!! Me??!! what about her? She dumped me because of this event"

'Because you got her pregnant???"

No, that's not why. It's because I had no load control. My mom was always around and it was always awkward, always rushing and stressing about her walking in. I started having performance anxiety after this, and Chris did not put up with that kind of stuff, even back then, so she dumped me and never let me forget how bad I was"

"What do you mean never let you forget?"

Every time I see her last 40 years, she's always making a comment. Mid career her favorite line was  the only place you can outlast another man was in a baseline rally. Shit like that. The Greg Norman thing put me over the edge"

"Greg Norman thing???"

"Yeah, texting me at all hours telling me about how strong his long iron play was... and how in all there activity he has never needed a mulligan... like me. The Greg Norman stuff was the last straw for me, all I want to do is get the bitch back"

Wow. So you figure telling everyone she had an abortion 40 years might even the score a bit?

"And sell some books. I can't believe she didn't even ask me if it was Ok. The week she told me about it I was so upset I lost one of my two matches that year. can you believe she would tell me right in the middle of hard court season?"

"I assume you put that in there too???"

"Hell yes I did"

"Do you think you should talk to her first before putting this in writing forever in your book?"

"Did she ask me if it was Ok to get rid of little Jimbo to be back then? Did she??? No she didn't!!! So why should I ask her if it's ok now???"

"Wow. Ok, I hate you. I hate my life. But we'll go with the abortion story and see how it goes ok?"

"I'm glad you agree she had this coming to her. Thanks bud. I can't wait to go out on the talk shows and tell everyone about it"

"Wow"